Really Very True Facts That Arent False

All of the following facts are true which I have found from numerous trustworthy sources (which I will not name of course because it is a secret I will take to the grave with me). Anyhow so here they are:

-Green apples are known to contain tapeworms.

-Hershey's chocolate bars are known to contain a flesh eating virus.

-The only animals known to talk (besides parrots) are chimpanzees.

-Toilet seats CAN give you AIDS!

-Grizzly bears are known to hunt humans! They hunt humans because they enjoy eating human flesh!

-If you throw a lightbulb against a wall, it will cause an explosion larger than a hand grenade's.

-If you vomit while shitting, you'll start to bleed uncontrollably from your eyeballs and nipples at the same time!

-You can make a handgun using parts from a lamp, stapler and telephone.

-Cotton comes from clouds. When it rains, rainwater that comes from the clouds turn into cotton balls when they hit the ground.

-If you clap your hands whilst farting, you will start hiccuping.

-Eating excessive amounts of strawberries dipped in chocolate will result in the person shitting dicknipples.

So there you have it. Believe it or not this facts are real (and are walking on air). Chimpanzees can talk, Bears are bloodthirsty godless killing machines (big surprise there), lightbulbs explode violently like hand grenades, apples have tape worms now and eating chocolate covered strawberries will give you a bad case of shitting dicknipples.

Now if you excuse me I have a turd to polish!