There are many people who failed in real estate investing. Reasons could be, they don't know what they got in, or they just don't ask for management consultancy services that can surely help them when it comes to the problem of investing. Before you pierce through a delicate deal, you should know first its nature. You should be able to answer the basic question “How to finance investment property?”
Though the idea of investment property is a lucrative step to make money, the idea is not as plain as it is. Taking time to know what finance is, what's the meaning of investment, and what is property. Putting them all together would be a tougher job.
Investing means putting your money into something that will bring you profit. But always remember that to invest in a property is not that easy. There are chances that you will go slump. Everything depends on your investment strategy. Smart investments are found by observing closely on what type of property, location of property, demand for property and calculated return on the asset. Details of your potential property investment are important. A smart investment deserves a smart finance. And so, to make your research about financing investment property, consider these following tip/pointers:
1.Analyze the Potential Return of your investment properties. Take time to consider he rental properties income and the expenses you will have to overdo in operating them. Research how music is charged with the rental for similar properties in the area. Create account for expenses like management fees, property maintenance, taxes, home owner's association fees and others.
2.To finance the investment property, check a seller financing contract. With a realtor, discuss how to find out property owners offering financing. Finance support is offered by the builder if its a new construction. If it is a pre owned home, it is the seller. You will be able to secure advantage financing terms, depending on the seller.
3.Find private property investors to finance you on your investment properties. You can run to individual investors who come together to pool money to finance investment property. They earn money, just the same with what a bank earns in the form of interest rates. Ask a realtor or find private property investor online.
4.You can also try banks and credit unions to finance investment and rental properties. They are more strict and decent in their guidelines. However, they provide investment to possible applicants depending on buyer's worthiness. Collect your personal financial document together. Grab a copy of your credit report and get personal income and expense figure.
5. Hire a lawyer that can help you on your real estate investment. This is important especially if you are going to use a Seller Financing or a Private Property Investors contract. He/she can provide counseling for special legal clauses included in these financing agreements.
6. Know how long will you be investing in a property. You must have fixed idea of how long will you be committed in financing your investment property. Te longer you plan to own the property, the longer time you need to invest in maintenance, repair and improvement.
7. You should avoid overpaying. Remember that you earn profit in investment property when you buy and not selling property.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Article Marketing Secrets
It's always good to learn a few article marketing secrets to be able to maximize the use of this strategy. When done properly, article marketing, after all, can well become one of the most cost-efficient ways through which you can advertise your blog or website. In most cases, even, you don't have to spend a lot for this campaign. In fact, there would be times when you don't have to spend a single cent on it. If you have a way with words and you don't mind sparing some time writing and offering info, then you'll find this tool helpful.
Don't forget your links
This likely could be the most valuable article marketing secrets that you should remember. While you should aim to inform readers in every article that you submit online, don't forget your other goal of advertising your site, blog, business, or what have you. To do this, you want to include a link to your site or blog in the resource or author box provided by most article directory sites. Some submission sites even allow you to include active links within the content provided that they are incorporated in such a way that they don't come across as promotional in nature. This is a great way of generating back links to your site.
Submissions
Sometimes, it's perfectly fine to submit the same article to many article directories. This is so long as the material is your original work. Just make sure that you don't overdo this because your content is going to come across as junk. Another one of those article marketing secrets that you be aware of is that you should make it a point to read through submission guidelines in each directory you work with. Some are pretty lenient with submissions but there are those, especially the more popular ones, that can be strict with regards to originality.
Re-distribution
There will come a time when you might run out of ideas for informative articles. One of the best article marketing secrets you want to consider includes submitting articles that were posted on your web pages to article directories. Just make sure that the article you submit was posted on your website first. That way, the search engine wouldn't tag it as duplicate content when it finds it in the article directories.
Bookmark
One of the many article marketing secrets that people tend to overlook is bookmarking. After posting your articles – that is, as soon as the article directory approves them – you want to bookmark your content to make sure it gets indexed. This is a good way of attracting traffic. Another thing you could do is to set up your account in article submission sites such as EzineArticles to automatically cross-post your published materials to your Twitter profile. That should make the job easier for you.
Get a ghost writer
Writing your articles yourself is great if you have the time to spare. But since you probably have a lot of other things to do aside from article marketing, you want to get some help from another person who can compose your articles for you. You can always hire a ghost writer for this but make sure that you check out the writer's competency before hiring him. This could be one of those article marketing secrets that should come in handy at some point in your campaign as you will need to delegate this task to other people.
Don't forget your links
This likely could be the most valuable article marketing secrets that you should remember. While you should aim to inform readers in every article that you submit online, don't forget your other goal of advertising your site, blog, business, or what have you. To do this, you want to include a link to your site or blog in the resource or author box provided by most article directory sites. Some submission sites even allow you to include active links within the content provided that they are incorporated in such a way that they don't come across as promotional in nature. This is a great way of generating back links to your site.
Submissions
Sometimes, it's perfectly fine to submit the same article to many article directories. This is so long as the material is your original work. Just make sure that you don't overdo this because your content is going to come across as junk. Another one of those article marketing secrets that you be aware of is that you should make it a point to read through submission guidelines in each directory you work with. Some are pretty lenient with submissions but there are those, especially the more popular ones, that can be strict with regards to originality.
Re-distribution
There will come a time when you might run out of ideas for informative articles. One of the best article marketing secrets you want to consider includes submitting articles that were posted on your web pages to article directories. Just make sure that the article you submit was posted on your website first. That way, the search engine wouldn't tag it as duplicate content when it finds it in the article directories.
Bookmark
One of the many article marketing secrets that people tend to overlook is bookmarking. After posting your articles – that is, as soon as the article directory approves them – you want to bookmark your content to make sure it gets indexed. This is a good way of attracting traffic. Another thing you could do is to set up your account in article submission sites such as EzineArticles to automatically cross-post your published materials to your Twitter profile. That should make the job easier for you.
Get a ghost writer
Writing your articles yourself is great if you have the time to spare. But since you probably have a lot of other things to do aside from article marketing, you want to get some help from another person who can compose your articles for you. You can always hire a ghost writer for this but make sure that you check out the writer's competency before hiring him. This could be one of those article marketing secrets that should come in handy at some point in your campaign as you will need to delegate this task to other people.
Make Money Selling Photos Online And Turn Your Favorite Pictures Into Commercial Assets
World travelers are not always the ones who have award winning photographs. We have all seen photos of the Eiffel Tower and the Pyramids, they are not as impressive today as they were 40 years ago. Today we are more impressed with photos that capture the essence of human interactions than with photos of illustrious monuments. Photos that draw you in, make you remember better times, photos that make you smile ... these are the photos that you remember. A picture of your mothers wise and gentle smile has the power to transcend time and live on forever. Moments in time captured on film in your own home is a great way to start make money selling photos online. Here are some ideas on how you can turn your favorite photos into extra income.
A truly remarkable photo is one that captures the essence of the subject and, hopefully, leaves an impression on the viewer. You do not need to be a professional photographer to create these works of art. Simply looking around, at your family and friends, your home and neighborhood should reveal tons of opportunities for possible Even photos taken in your kitchen, backyard, or garden could be potential income makers. Here are a few more options that you can use to increase your monthly income!
Photos of people with endearing expressions are guaranteed to make money selling photos online. These don't require make up or amazing clothing and props. Simple and true-to-reality pictures sell the most. Capture their natural beauty.
Nature expressions such as like laughing, shaking hands, yelling, cribbing etc make for endearing photographs. Please know that you don't need to hire models to create great photos. Focus on your family and friends when trying to capturing a true-to-reality photograph.
Next I recommend that you look for regular items that are a part of your daily routine. These items could be anything from a roll of toilet paper to your childs crayons. The idea is to photograph the item in a way to give it a new and different appeal. Whatever item you choose, always keep in mind that you are trying to create an image that may be attractive to an advertiser or marketing professional. When taking these photographs I recommend that you remove any logos or the photo may be rejected by the stock photography site.
Another product that is in demand are photos of food and beverages. Hotels and restaurants regularly are looking for photos of mouth-watering foods. To ensure that your photos sell you will want to edit it in such a way to give it an attractive appeal or it will be ignored not only by the stock photography sites but also by consumers.
The key to being a successful stock photographer and to make money selling photos online is being able to find the amazing elements out of the ordinary. Don't forget that your photograph should attempt to capture the essence of your subject and portray it in such a way as to create a lasting memory to the viewer. Don't wait, grab your camera and get started today!
A truly remarkable photo is one that captures the essence of the subject and, hopefully, leaves an impression on the viewer. You do not need to be a professional photographer to create these works of art. Simply looking around, at your family and friends, your home and neighborhood should reveal tons of opportunities for possible Even photos taken in your kitchen, backyard, or garden could be potential income makers. Here are a few more options that you can use to increase your monthly income!
Photos of people with endearing expressions are guaranteed to make money selling photos online. These don't require make up or amazing clothing and props. Simple and true-to-reality pictures sell the most. Capture their natural beauty.
Nature expressions such as like laughing, shaking hands, yelling, cribbing etc make for endearing photographs. Please know that you don't need to hire models to create great photos. Focus on your family and friends when trying to capturing a true-to-reality photograph.
Next I recommend that you look for regular items that are a part of your daily routine. These items could be anything from a roll of toilet paper to your childs crayons. The idea is to photograph the item in a way to give it a new and different appeal. Whatever item you choose, always keep in mind that you are trying to create an image that may be attractive to an advertiser or marketing professional. When taking these photographs I recommend that you remove any logos or the photo may be rejected by the stock photography site.
Another product that is in demand are photos of food and beverages. Hotels and restaurants regularly are looking for photos of mouth-watering foods. To ensure that your photos sell you will want to edit it in such a way to give it an attractive appeal or it will be ignored not only by the stock photography sites but also by consumers.
The key to being a successful stock photographer and to make money selling photos online is being able to find the amazing elements out of the ordinary. Don't forget that your photograph should attempt to capture the essence of your subject and portray it in such a way as to create a lasting memory to the viewer. Don't wait, grab your camera and get started today!
Make Money Trading The Stock Market - 5 Characteristics Of Successful Traders
There are thousands of traders on the stock market, both full time professionals and part time amateurs. In both groups, some are successful, some are not. The truth is that the vast majority are not successful, and if you are just starting out that winning streak can be particularly elusive. But for both beginners and professionals, there are winners. Contrary to popular belief, winners are not just 'born.' They do not have any natural advantage over you. But they do follow certain 'rules.' So what sets the consistently successful traders apart from the others? Here are 5 characteristics of successful traders.
1. Be a Follower.
Despite the common misconception to the contrary, the key to being a successful trader is to be a follower, not a leader. Successful traders do not magically "make things happen". Those who try to force the market and enter too early because they "just know that it is going to go up" will not win. Successful traders will follow their proven system and will not attempt to make things happen outside of it. That is the whole reason for using a system and putting the slight edge it gives to full advantage.
2. Be Prepared
Successful trades are well prepared in advance. It is essential that there is a trading plan in place and that it is adhered to rigidly. This does not necessarily have to be time consuming. With a good system in place, successful trades can be planned quickly and easily.
3. Be Emotionally Detached.
Successful traders always stay emotionally detached. After entering a trade, it is essential that it is not touched until the criteria for the pre-determined exit strategy are met. Watching trades too closely can be dangerous. Again, strictly following a very clear system removes the desire to intervene.
4. Expect Success
Successful traders always expect to be successful and become rich. They can easily picture themselves wealthy, and are not restricted by self limiting beliefs. Traders without this self belief have a tendency to sabotage their trading account as it starts to get 'too high' because of a subconscious belief that they don't deserve to be rich. Such hidden psychological obstacles can really hinder success.
5. Learn From Others.
The really successful traders all have a mentor. They all learn from the experience of others, and put it into practice, using success to breed success. This cuts out years of trial and error, and is a key to success in any field, not just stock trading.
If you follow these 5 golden rules of successful traders, you too can enjoy real success on the stock market - the key is to follow a proven system.
1. Be a Follower.
Despite the common misconception to the contrary, the key to being a successful trader is to be a follower, not a leader. Successful traders do not magically "make things happen". Those who try to force the market and enter too early because they "just know that it is going to go up" will not win. Successful traders will follow their proven system and will not attempt to make things happen outside of it. That is the whole reason for using a system and putting the slight edge it gives to full advantage.
2. Be Prepared
Successful trades are well prepared in advance. It is essential that there is a trading plan in place and that it is adhered to rigidly. This does not necessarily have to be time consuming. With a good system in place, successful trades can be planned quickly and easily.
3. Be Emotionally Detached.
Successful traders always stay emotionally detached. After entering a trade, it is essential that it is not touched until the criteria for the pre-determined exit strategy are met. Watching trades too closely can be dangerous. Again, strictly following a very clear system removes the desire to intervene.
4. Expect Success
Successful traders always expect to be successful and become rich. They can easily picture themselves wealthy, and are not restricted by self limiting beliefs. Traders without this self belief have a tendency to sabotage their trading account as it starts to get 'too high' because of a subconscious belief that they don't deserve to be rich. Such hidden psychological obstacles can really hinder success.
5. Learn From Others.
The really successful traders all have a mentor. They all learn from the experience of others, and put it into practice, using success to breed success. This cuts out years of trial and error, and is a key to success in any field, not just stock trading.
If you follow these 5 golden rules of successful traders, you too can enjoy real success on the stock market - the key is to follow a proven system.
Affiliate Marketing Tips
What Is An Affiliate Program? Affiliate programs (also known as associate programs), are online arrangements whereby a merchant website pays you (the affiliate) a commission for sending traffic (customers) to them. In essence you are promoting whatever product(s) that merchant is selling. The beauty of this system is that it does not involve: stocking merchandise; shipping and handling; processing credit cards or any kind of customer support. And an added bonus is that you don't even need a website for this type of internet marketing.
Points To Consider Before You Join An Affiliate Program
1. Is The Company Trustworthy? Your concern here is whether you'll be paid on time and if at all. Obviously if the company in question is an eBay or Amazon, you don't have to worry. However if the merchant in question is unknown, that's when you may have some concerns about fly-by-night scenarios or dishonesty.
Solution: Join well established affiliate networks such as Commission Junction or ClickBank that host thousands of merchant affiliate programs and oversee the commission payout to affiliates.
2. Any Contact Information? If you can't find any contact information...MOVE ON!
3. How Long Before They Respond To Your Request To Join? If you don't get a response within 72 hours (3 business days) pass on that particular program. Their tardiness probably extends across board and who's to say they'll be more responsive about your payments or when you have a real problem.
4. Where's The Affiliate Agreement? If the program in question doesn't have an agreement...MOVE ON. No agreement leaves you exposed to being cheated out of your hard earned commissions.
5. What Does The Agreement Say? Okay, nobody likes reading those long-winded go-on-forever agreements; however, in this case make a point of doing so! If you don't, you could be in for a rather nasty surprise later on. Let's say for example you invest several hundred dollars promoting a particular product and your returns from that effort are a couple of thousand dollars. Most likely, you'd want to get paid as soon as possible. But if you didn't read the agreement which stated that the company pays quarterly, your money would be tied up and you'd have nobody but yourself to blame.
6. Agreement Termination Terms. Most agreements have a termination clause detailing the terms under which you or the company can end the affiliation. It is ill-advised to sign up for a program that binds you to a particular company for a specific period of time. Also be wary of programs that demand exclusivity; such programs generally prohibit you from promoting similar products (from a competitor merchant) on the same site, thereby effectively cutting into your bottom line.
7. Does The Affiliate Program Require A Fee To Join? Affiliate programs are free to join; after all, you're in effect advertising for the merchant. If a program requires you to pay a fee to join, it's not an affiliate program but rather a Multi-Level Marketing scheme ( MLM).
8. What Type Of Affiliate Program Is It? There're basically three types of affiliate programs: pay-per-sale, pay-per-lead and pay-per-click.
Pay-Per-Sale: Such programs pay either a fixed cash amount or a fixed percentage for sales generated by your promotional efforts. · Pay-Per-Lead: Here you earn a set amount whenever a customer sent by you fills out a survey, requests a quote or obtains some information. · Pay-Per-Click: These are similar to pay-per-lead programs and you are paid each time one of your visitors clicks on a link through to the merchant's site.
Pay-Per-Lead and Pay-Per-Click affiliate programs require large volumes of traffic to generate any substantial revenue so it's probably better for you to opt for the Pay-Per-Sale type of program. This type is performance based and gives you a much better chance of making serious money!
9. What Is The Commission Rate? The commission rate and structure will determine how much money you make. Generally the best paying programs pay you a commission of 50% for every sale. But you have to dig a little deeper to make sure you really understand what you have to do before you get that 50% commission. For example some pay-per-lead programs promise a 50% commission payout per application (let's say credit card applications), but you only get that commission after said applicant has been approved.
10. Do You Get Recurring Sales? The best kind of affiliate programs entitle you to recurring sales. What this means is that as long as the customer you referred keeps ordering the product (such as a website hosting plan), you keep getting paid every month! This is what is known as residual sales. So be on the lookout for affiliate programs offering residual commissions. It's a great way to make effortless, automated monthly cash!
11. Does The Program Pay Lifetime Commissions? A program that pays lifetime commissions pays you (the affiliate) a commission for each and every product that your referred customer buys from that merchant. This includes any applicable residual commissions. This kind of commission structure is the best there is.
12. Does the Program Use Cookies to Track Sales And How Long Do The Cookies Last? So what are cookies? Simply put, a cookie is a harmless piece of computer code or script that captures harmless information (such as identifying a computer through current and subsequent visits, websites visited and date of visit). This is of importance to you because this is how a merchant can tell that a particular customer was referred by you, thus ensuring you get your commission. The importance of cookies does not stop there. There're cookies and there are cookies! Cookies are coded to expire after a set period of time. So if a merchant supplies you (the affiliate) with cookies programmed to expire after 120 days, this means that if one of your referrals makes a purchase anytime within those 120 days, you'll get credited for that sale and get paid your commission. Remember, it takes at least 7 exposures to a product before a person is ready to buy! So the longer lasting the cookie, the better...at least from your point of view as an affiliate.
13. Do You Get To See Your Sales Statistics In Real Time? Make sure any affiliate program you sign up for offers real-time sales tracking (within seconds to one hour) or almost real-time sales tracking. This is important because you need to be able to assess the success of a particular promotion campaign.
14. Does The Affiliate Program Offer sales Tools? A well-organized and professional affiliate program offers their affiliates advertising copy, banner ads and/or item-specific links. Sales tools such as these make your job easier. If a program does not offer these it's probably best for you to look at other affiliate programs.
15. When Do I Get Paid? How Do I Get Paid? Make sure you know how often the affiliate program pays: weekly, bi-weekly, monthly or quarterly. Also consider what currency you're going to get paid in. The big plus here is, if you're located outside of the United States, you're still going to be paid in U.S. Dollars as most internet companies transact in U.S. Dollars.
16. What Kind Of Billing Mechanism Is In Place? To avoid payment issues, it's better to join programs that are part of a bigger affiliate network (such as Commission Junction or ClickBank). Such affiliate networks make sure that each and every merchant who is part of their network has sufficient funds in its account to pay its affiliates on time. When you sign up for a program that handles payment and everything else itself, you lack this kind of security.
17. What's The Minimum Payout Amount? Most programs require you to earn a set minimum amount before they'll issue you a check or deposit earnings directly into your bank account.
Points To Consider Before You Join An Affiliate Program
1. Is The Company Trustworthy? Your concern here is whether you'll be paid on time and if at all. Obviously if the company in question is an eBay or Amazon, you don't have to worry. However if the merchant in question is unknown, that's when you may have some concerns about fly-by-night scenarios or dishonesty.
Solution: Join well established affiliate networks such as Commission Junction or ClickBank that host thousands of merchant affiliate programs and oversee the commission payout to affiliates.
2. Any Contact Information? If you can't find any contact information...MOVE ON!
3. How Long Before They Respond To Your Request To Join? If you don't get a response within 72 hours (3 business days) pass on that particular program. Their tardiness probably extends across board and who's to say they'll be more responsive about your payments or when you have a real problem.
4. Where's The Affiliate Agreement? If the program in question doesn't have an agreement...MOVE ON. No agreement leaves you exposed to being cheated out of your hard earned commissions.
5. What Does The Agreement Say? Okay, nobody likes reading those long-winded go-on-forever agreements; however, in this case make a point of doing so! If you don't, you could be in for a rather nasty surprise later on. Let's say for example you invest several hundred dollars promoting a particular product and your returns from that effort are a couple of thousand dollars. Most likely, you'd want to get paid as soon as possible. But if you didn't read the agreement which stated that the company pays quarterly, your money would be tied up and you'd have nobody but yourself to blame.
6. Agreement Termination Terms. Most agreements have a termination clause detailing the terms under which you or the company can end the affiliation. It is ill-advised to sign up for a program that binds you to a particular company for a specific period of time. Also be wary of programs that demand exclusivity; such programs generally prohibit you from promoting similar products (from a competitor merchant) on the same site, thereby effectively cutting into your bottom line.
7. Does The Affiliate Program Require A Fee To Join? Affiliate programs are free to join; after all, you're in effect advertising for the merchant. If a program requires you to pay a fee to join, it's not an affiliate program but rather a Multi-Level Marketing scheme ( MLM).
8. What Type Of Affiliate Program Is It? There're basically three types of affiliate programs: pay-per-sale, pay-per-lead and pay-per-click.
Pay-Per-Sale: Such programs pay either a fixed cash amount or a fixed percentage for sales generated by your promotional efforts. · Pay-Per-Lead: Here you earn a set amount whenever a customer sent by you fills out a survey, requests a quote or obtains some information. · Pay-Per-Click: These are similar to pay-per-lead programs and you are paid each time one of your visitors clicks on a link through to the merchant's site.
Pay-Per-Lead and Pay-Per-Click affiliate programs require large volumes of traffic to generate any substantial revenue so it's probably better for you to opt for the Pay-Per-Sale type of program. This type is performance based and gives you a much better chance of making serious money!
9. What Is The Commission Rate? The commission rate and structure will determine how much money you make. Generally the best paying programs pay you a commission of 50% for every sale. But you have to dig a little deeper to make sure you really understand what you have to do before you get that 50% commission. For example some pay-per-lead programs promise a 50% commission payout per application (let's say credit card applications), but you only get that commission after said applicant has been approved.
10. Do You Get Recurring Sales? The best kind of affiliate programs entitle you to recurring sales. What this means is that as long as the customer you referred keeps ordering the product (such as a website hosting plan), you keep getting paid every month! This is what is known as residual sales. So be on the lookout for affiliate programs offering residual commissions. It's a great way to make effortless, automated monthly cash!
11. Does The Program Pay Lifetime Commissions? A program that pays lifetime commissions pays you (the affiliate) a commission for each and every product that your referred customer buys from that merchant. This includes any applicable residual commissions. This kind of commission structure is the best there is.
12. Does the Program Use Cookies to Track Sales And How Long Do The Cookies Last? So what are cookies? Simply put, a cookie is a harmless piece of computer code or script that captures harmless information (such as identifying a computer through current and subsequent visits, websites visited and date of visit). This is of importance to you because this is how a merchant can tell that a particular customer was referred by you, thus ensuring you get your commission. The importance of cookies does not stop there. There're cookies and there are cookies! Cookies are coded to expire after a set period of time. So if a merchant supplies you (the affiliate) with cookies programmed to expire after 120 days, this means that if one of your referrals makes a purchase anytime within those 120 days, you'll get credited for that sale and get paid your commission. Remember, it takes at least 7 exposures to a product before a person is ready to buy! So the longer lasting the cookie, the better...at least from your point of view as an affiliate.
13. Do You Get To See Your Sales Statistics In Real Time? Make sure any affiliate program you sign up for offers real-time sales tracking (within seconds to one hour) or almost real-time sales tracking. This is important because you need to be able to assess the success of a particular promotion campaign.
14. Does The Affiliate Program Offer sales Tools? A well-organized and professional affiliate program offers their affiliates advertising copy, banner ads and/or item-specific links. Sales tools such as these make your job easier. If a program does not offer these it's probably best for you to look at other affiliate programs.
15. When Do I Get Paid? How Do I Get Paid? Make sure you know how often the affiliate program pays: weekly, bi-weekly, monthly or quarterly. Also consider what currency you're going to get paid in. The big plus here is, if you're located outside of the United States, you're still going to be paid in U.S. Dollars as most internet companies transact in U.S. Dollars.
16. What Kind Of Billing Mechanism Is In Place? To avoid payment issues, it's better to join programs that are part of a bigger affiliate network (such as Commission Junction or ClickBank). Such affiliate networks make sure that each and every merchant who is part of their network has sufficient funds in its account to pay its affiliates on time. When you sign up for a program that handles payment and everything else itself, you lack this kind of security.
17. What's The Minimum Payout Amount? Most programs require you to earn a set minimum amount before they'll issue you a check or deposit earnings directly into your bank account.
Friday, September 25, 2009
So This Is How It Is
So I was sitting on the couch, watching my Sony TV, wearing my Levis jeans, my white Hanes t-shirt and my Nike shoes. I was eating a burger I got from Burger King and drinking a ice cold Pepsi. Earlier that day I had eaten a delicious pepperoni pizza from Pizza Hut.
Anyways so the commercials come on for the show I was watching. So the first commercial was for Coke, which was pretty ironic, since I was drinking a Pepsi. Whatever, so the next commercial was for some Ford truck, which was also ironic cause I drive a Chevy Camaro. It would've been more crazy if it was a commercial for a Cadillac or a Toyota or Volvo or something I guess. Then it was a commercial for Sharp TVs which was interesting because I have a Sony TV.
Well anyhow I looked at my Rolex watch to see what the time was and it was obviously camera time. So I let the Sony TV play its commercials in the background and went and got my Nikon camera and decided to take some photos of different things in my house. The things that I took photos of in my house were: my Ferrari toy model car, my IKEA furniture, my Prada sunglasses and my Casio keyboard.
After I did that I finished eating my hamburger then I proceeded to drink my coffee that I got from Starbucks and eating it with a Nestle cookie that I got there as well, very tasty. Then I ate some Häagen-Dazs ice-cream, very delicious stuff. Last commercial I saw there during that break was for Sprint, which is pretty interesting. Then I decided to go to 7-11. Overall, good times.
Anyways so the commercials come on for the show I was watching. So the first commercial was for Coke, which was pretty ironic, since I was drinking a Pepsi. Whatever, so the next commercial was for some Ford truck, which was also ironic cause I drive a Chevy Camaro. It would've been more crazy if it was a commercial for a Cadillac or a Toyota or Volvo or something I guess. Then it was a commercial for Sharp TVs which was interesting because I have a Sony TV.
Well anyhow I looked at my Rolex watch to see what the time was and it was obviously camera time. So I let the Sony TV play its commercials in the background and went and got my Nikon camera and decided to take some photos of different things in my house. The things that I took photos of in my house were: my Ferrari toy model car, my IKEA furniture, my Prada sunglasses and my Casio keyboard.
After I did that I finished eating my hamburger then I proceeded to drink my coffee that I got from Starbucks and eating it with a Nestle cookie that I got there as well, very tasty. Then I ate some Häagen-Dazs ice-cream, very delicious stuff. Last commercial I saw there during that break was for Sprint, which is pretty interesting. Then I decided to go to 7-11. Overall, good times.
A Crazy Story About A Crazy Kid
I remember this one time at school when I had a sub teacher for class. And I sat next to this kid named Jasper or something, he had maybe 3 teeth at most. Anyhow, sub teacher walks in saying "Good morning class, my name is Mr. Hamilton. I hope you all brushed your teeth today!" everyone just moans and groans (typical slackers-stoners in that class, too fucked up on the weed from last night to give a shit about anything in class), however Jasper all of a sudden yells out "Oh haha goddammit, just cause I gots 3 teeth you hafta rub it in. Well I'll tell you what mister, I have less teeth than a pig, but does that make me one? No goddammit", then this conversation took place.
Mr. Hamilton: No I didn't mean it like that, I'm sorry son.
Jasper: What the hell ya goddamn queer? I aint yer son, fuck off will ya? Oh look at me I'm a yuppie, I wear clean underwear and have all my teeth and I have a yuppie name like Hamilton and shit, I'm special!
Mr. Hamilton: What? No, no I didn't mean it like that, I didn't know, what is your name?
Jasper: My name is Jasper goddammit, but you can lick my asshole for all I care because I'm gonna marry my girl Betsy-Lou on my farm tractor. I don't care that she is a pig, she oinks and that means she said she loves me, that's all that matters.
Mr. Hamilton: Now look, even though I might have AIDS, I know for a fact having sex with pigs is illegal. You cant do that Jasper, please stop. Now go wash up!
Jasper: Look here gooddammit city slicker! I dont care about city law, I live in them woods, where there is country law, which says I can marry a pig if I want!
Mr. Hamilton: You're sorely mistaken son. You need teeth for that!
Jasper: STOP CALLING ME SON YOU YUPPIE FAGGOT OR I WILL BREAK YOUR GODDAMN SISSY QUEER JAW WITH A SHOVEL THEN FUCK YOU WITH A RAKE!
Needless to say, Jasper threw a potato (no I don't know where he got it, he usually only brings tomatoes and heroin with him to class) at Mr. Hamilton and it hit him right in the head. Hamilton cried like a little bitch, ran outta the classroom and he never came back again. For the rest of the class hour we just played poker and pozzed up the local Thai slut named Tina in the corner of the class. That was a fun day!
Mr. Hamilton: No I didn't mean it like that, I'm sorry son.
Jasper: What the hell ya goddamn queer? I aint yer son, fuck off will ya? Oh look at me I'm a yuppie, I wear clean underwear and have all my teeth and I have a yuppie name like Hamilton and shit, I'm special!
Mr. Hamilton: What? No, no I didn't mean it like that, I didn't know, what is your name?
Jasper: My name is Jasper goddammit, but you can lick my asshole for all I care because I'm gonna marry my girl Betsy-Lou on my farm tractor. I don't care that she is a pig, she oinks and that means she said she loves me, that's all that matters.
Mr. Hamilton: Now look, even though I might have AIDS, I know for a fact having sex with pigs is illegal. You cant do that Jasper, please stop. Now go wash up!
Jasper: Look here gooddammit city slicker! I dont care about city law, I live in them woods, where there is country law, which says I can marry a pig if I want!
Mr. Hamilton: You're sorely mistaken son. You need teeth for that!
Jasper: STOP CALLING ME SON YOU YUPPIE FAGGOT OR I WILL BREAK YOUR GODDAMN SISSY QUEER JAW WITH A SHOVEL THEN FUCK YOU WITH A RAKE!
Needless to say, Jasper threw a potato (no I don't know where he got it, he usually only brings tomatoes and heroin with him to class) at Mr. Hamilton and it hit him right in the head. Hamilton cried like a little bitch, ran outta the classroom and he never came back again. For the rest of the class hour we just played poker and pozzed up the local Thai slut named Tina in the corner of the class. That was a fun day!
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